A couple of days ago a very sweet family friend tagged me in the comments of an article. The article was titled, “After This Heartbroken Couple Lost Their Little Baby Girl, They Spent 16 days with Her.” I immediately thought, “wow, that is amazing. I would’ve loved to have more time with my baby girl.”
Naturally, I scrolled to the comments to see where my friend had tagged me and thank her. What I found disgusted me and broke my heart. No, not from my friend but from others. As a loss mom, I found these comments incredibly hurtful and the fact that so many people agreed and “liked” the comments even more hurtful. Did anyone even read the article??
To summarize the article, the couple found out that their daughter had a fatal condition and was not likely to survive long after birth. They chose to use hospice and take the baby home where she passed. They then used a device called a Cuddle Cot, the same device I was able to use with my daughter. They lived in another country where they were able to use the device at home and for a much longer time period that we be allowed in the states.
Warning, some may find what you read below disturbing but it needs to be said and is the harsh reality for so many.
The top comment read, “Let that child rest in peace. I have seen first hand how the skin starts to peel off after only a 48 hour period. They turn stiff and cold within a couple hours. Who would want to remember their child that way? I find this to be so disturbing on so many levels. Sorry for their loss but no, no, no.”
I have seen first-hand what happens to a baby after they have passed as well. The difference was it was my baby and not at all how she described.
My daughter was found with no heartbeat at 41-weeks gestation. I was induced and gave birth naturally to her after 16+ hours. She was absolutely perfect. A dear friend and nurse had warned me of what my baby would look like after she was born sleeping. Her skin may have some tears, her nails would be darkened in color, and she would ‘have her lipstick on’ (her lips would be dark).
We, like the couple in the article, had the use of a Cuddle Cot. This device keeps the baby cool and from turning “stiff and cold” like the commenter said. It allows a family time to dress, bathe, photograph, smell, sing to, and memorize every detail of their precious child. Our baby girl was resting very peacefully where she belonged, in her mommy and daddy’s arms.
There would have never been enough time to say goodbye to Hadley.
Before Cuddle Cots and Caring Cradles, a family may have only had minutes with their baby. Arrangements with the morgue would have had to been made or the room was taken down to frigid temperatures for the family to say their goodbyes. I cannot imagine not having the time I had with Hadley. I am SO thankful for the families who donated the Cuddle Cot I used because they did not have time with their sons.
Please think before you post anything on social media and do your research. Think about who may be reading your comments. Think to yourself, “would I be comfortable saying this to the face of the couple in the article?”
- Taylor Felker, mother to Hadley Janae Founder and Director, Ohio Cuddle Cot Campaign